May Recap (2025)

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN: June 2025

CONTENT WARNINGS: Brief Mentions of Suicidality

Soooo... I took an unexpected hiatus. Happy belated pride month.

Truth be told, a lot of it has just been a lack of creative motivation. And energy. I won't really sugar coat it, so I am going to be upfront in saying the political sphere and the state of the world has made me actively suicidal again. I'm tired. I'm angry. I hate how ignorant people in my personal life are about things. I fear for my younger brother's emergence into adulthood and the way that I know he won't be able to get a foothold without massive struggle.

I'm tired. I'm angry. I don't want to witness what's about to happen... but I need to. And that's the important thing that keeps me going.

Yes, I love my friends and family and would hate to ruin their lives by taking mine. But I also recognize that I am insanely privileged, and making things into a pity party for me is unproductive at best and outright harmful at worst. So... I'm acknowledging my feelings and using them to be productive elsewhere. I'm pouring a lot more into volunteering and resource collection and digital activism (since physical activism is not something I can accessibly achieve at this time).

It's biting into my hobbies, but balance will eventually find itself back to me.

I know this isn't a happy update really, but that's kind of... just how it is. I don't want my website to be inauthentic; I don't want to be inauthentic. Things fucking suck and admitting that is... fine. I just need to keep pushing through. We all do. It's the only way to make things better.