November Recap (2025)

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN: November 2025

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Animal Death, Human Death, Brief Mentions of (Verbal) Sexual Abuse, Brief Mentions of (Verbal) Familial Abuse; Please take care of yourselves.

This entry is going to be a bit heavier than the rest, but not without its positives. I'll start with those, so that those who don't want to read about the aforementioned topics can still see what's up.

And for once? The holidays don't feel as lonely as they usually do. They're not as stressful. With zero contact from my extended family, there's been no drama. No fights. No shaming. I've just been allowed to exist, and that's... nice. The holidays have also showed me that I really have made a long way in bettering my relationship with food, as I've been very unapologetic about my indulgences. I've visibly gained weight between last month and this month, and I don't have any particular feelings about it. It happened, and that's okay.

As a result of all of this, my mental health has been better. The only points of stress and burnout have been work, and some specific events.

The first event is the passing of Rocky, the outdoor/stray cat we fostered for nearly a decade. He died on November 2nd, during the Commemoration of All the Faithfully Departed (All Souls' Day). His death was sudden and traumatic, likely a result of underlying health issues, of which I believe was his kidney's due to the symptoms he showed in his final hours. We could never take him in due to having so many pets of our own, and the costs/living space arrangements. We also couldn't properly foster him, as many organizations and shelters in my area were at capacity and still severely stressed due to the amount of dumping that happened during and after the quarantine era of the Covid pandemic (which is still around, by the way, so wear your masks if you care about your disabled friends). So, we did what we could. Built him a home in our shed, gave him food, water, and love. We took him into our garage during severe weather, and would buy over the counter medications to help him when he needed it. But there's a reason they call Kidney Disease a silent killer in cats... You never know until it's too late. And November 2nd was the day we knew. He went from being somewhat ill (seemingly just stressed), to energetic, to being immobile and exhausted. Then, we found him in the morning, curled up against the blankets we'd left out for him. Comfortable, but gone. We buried him with those blankets, and with his bowl, so that he wouldn't ever have to worry about being uncomfortable, thirsty, or hungry ever again.

The second event is the death of my paternal (non-blood) grandmother. I do not grieve this death. No, this death brought nothing but wrath. This woman has not been in my family's lives for over a decade, solely because my mother was "taking [my father] away from [my grandmother]," and I was not his biological child, therefore not worthy of being part of this family. My mother and I have faced so much abuse from this woman, atop of me facing sexual harassment from her husband as young as 13. He never physically did anything, but I feel that if I were ever alone with him, he would have based on his comments alone. So that initial loss of contact, the day I graduated high school, was honestly... a relief. I always felt bad for my father, it's always hard having to make a decision like that, but he put us first. And that resulted in my grandfather coming to our house the tuesday before Thanksgiving and dropping a bombshell: My grandmother has been in the ICU for two weeks, and requested to see us in her final hours. If we did not see her that night, they would pull the support plug and care for her until her final moments. The announcement was not intimate; not a moment of genuine connection between disrupted family. It was a power move. An ultimatum. Skillfully withheld information with the intent of forcing a desired outcome. And we had less than an hour to decide that outcome. And, painful as it was for him, my father chose us first again. Acknowledged that there has been ample time to rekindle the relationship, but their pride was more important; that was not something he would subject us to, nor reaffirm any longer. So to her, I say this: I hope all the abuse you gave him, my mother, my brother, and me haunts your ass to Hell.

Having two deaths happen so closely has been challenging to navigate, especially with such contrasting feelings about them. It's honestly taken a lot out of me emotionally and mentally. But, it's given me a weird clarity. Made me really realize what's important in my life. Who is important.

So, for the final days of 2025, and all the time ahead, that is what I will focus on the most.